The other day, while I was seated in a coffee shop, I overheard a conversation that left me intrigued. One of the occupants on the next table motioned his friends to look at a lady who had just walked in. As soon as the lady passed by their table, he quickly mumbled, “She is a hermaphrodite!” The only problem was that he ‘whispered’ a little too loudly, making everyone turn to look at the lady. She felt the stares on her and left the coffee shop hurriedly, looking a little embarrassed.

It bothers me that the society we live in is sometimes very ignorant of people who appear different from the ‘norm’. Instead of appreciating differences, the people who appear to be physically different from the rest of the world are considered as outcasts.

The term ‘hermaphrodite’ refers to an organism with both male and female reproductive organs. In recent years the term ‘hermaphrodite’ has been replaced by the term ‘Intersex’ when dealing with human beings. Intersex conditions are also referred to as ‘Disorders of Sex Development’ (DSD).

Intersexuality is applied to human beings whose biological sex cannot be determined as either male or female, and does not necessarily mean that the person has both male and female reproductive organs. It may be that the person’s sexual organs are ambiguous, such as a scrotum that looks like a labia; or they have some parts usually associated with males and some parts usually associated with females; or they may have clearly defined external sexual organs, but internally their sexual anatomy is mixed up. One out of every two thousand births is an intersexed child.

Unfortunately in most societies, intersexed children are viewed as outcasts/abnormal, hence they grow up knowing that they are unworthy and have to keep their condition as secret.

For a long time, the doctors also thought it necessary to treat Intersex by concealing the condition, or simply taking a child through early surgery and designating the sex, male or female depending on what they found fit at the time.

The actual causes of Intersex appearance are not well known. However, the condition is thought to develop when the fetus has an unusual level of certain hormones, or has an unusually low or high ability to respond to them.

Most parents opt to have surgery for their young children to avoid the stigma associated with the condition. This notion has been greatly opposed by the Intersex adults who were made to go through surgery as young children. They claim to have been physically, emotionally, and sexually harmed by such procedures, which unfortunately are irreversible.

Generally, intersex conditions do not cause the person to feel sick or in pain. However, some intersex conditions are associated with serious health issues, and require to be treated medically.

A number of organizations and support groups have been formed to cater for needs of the intersexed persons and to sensitize people on how best to handle such people in their midst.

As a parent of an Intersex child, the first lesson you need to learn is not to panic. You need to keep a cool head for your own sanity and for the well being of your child.

Seek medical advice on which gender to allocate your child – There are tests that are done by doctors and may give an indicative gender to your child. This is a ‘provisional’ gender that will serve in giving your child an identity as they grow up as it may be difficult for them to grow up without being identified as either male or female.

Give your child room to grow. Treat them as you would any other child. Be flexible enough to let your child decide what suites them best – being male or female. This may take some time and is best decided after puberty. The child should be given the option to decide what they are most comfortable with – being male or female.

Whatever you do, do not take your child for surgery at an early age, and in essence decide for them their gender. This may traumatize them for life and may not be reversible.

Finally, enjoy your time with your child. Ignore what other people say; after all, your child is still capable of doing all those things that ‘normal’ children do.

Joining a support group may do you a lot of good as you will soon appreciate that you are not alone and you will get to learn how all the others have managed to survive in our sometimes very judgmental society. It will also keep you up to speed with the latest developments in this particular field.

If you do come across an Intersex person, give them all the support you can and treat them as you would any other person, after all, they are really not that different from every one else.